I’ve been abroad for 13 years now. I am an only child and can only spend 2-3 weeks at home per year because of my work. So when my parents visit me, they usually stay 2 weeks and we just chill. I do suffer a lot from expat guilt, those few weeks per year are very valuable to me.
I’ve been with my partner (who is a local) for a while but he only recently met my parents because of the pandemic. He tried learning my language but failed, and my parents barely understand English. Last time we all stayed together for 2 days and it was just awkward. I felt like everyone had the best intentions but my parents weren’t very comfortable, and my partner was awkward too. Because of the language barrier and barely knowing each other, they didn’t really warm up to each other.
I really want to move in with my partner, but I don’t want my parents to feel like guests in our shared flat. I have never lived with a partner before, but i guess i can’t really force him to speak another language or stay elsewhere so I can properly catch up with my parents. It would also be kinda awkward to have my parents to stay in a hotel, because we have so little time together. I don’t know what to do, who to talk to first, or how to solve this.
I guess it’s one of those things where you need to think about what would happen in the future if you were to marry your partner (or formalize the partnership in some manner). Would you expect to kick out your partner for two weeks ever year your parents visit?
Generally, therapists recommend for the couple to form their own “household” and anyone else - parents, cousins, siblings, etc. - who visits are guests. In this case, your parents are the guests, with or without the expat guilt associated with it.
And it’s not awkward. I don’t speak the native language of my in-laws fluently, but I picked up Duolingo for a few months and I’m able to have a conversation with them. That’s pretty much bare minimum that anyone can hold themselves to, so maybe suggest that to your partner and parents?