I moved from Italy to California two years ago for university and now I’m at the point where I need to start looking for a job. My boyfriend is in Italy and my project has always been to eventually go back and live with him. Now I don’t know if I want that anymore. He’s the person of my life and all my family and friends are in Italy, but I don’t want to leave California. I’m attached to this idea of big opportunities I have here in California. I belong both here and there, I have the feeling I’m giving up on my future if I go back. Also I feel it would be somewhat a personal failure to go back to the small italian city where my boyfriend lives. Has anyone had a similar experience?
I want to tell you, that no matter which direction you choose to go in, you will still feel a sense of loss for the thing you left behind. It’s unfortunate. I chose my spouse and kids over a really good career I had the opportunity to chase.
I’m not suggesting you do that. I already had a husband and young babies when I stumbled into the career I loved. But chasing it meant a difficult future for them. My situation was a little different.
I don’t regret my choice, but I do still think of that fulfillment I got when chasing that career and I feel it’s loss still to this day. Some people can have both, and some cannot. Or you may be able to choose the family life and have a different version of the career you imagined, and be happy with that.
The most important thing here, is that you’re happy. But I did want to warn you (from someone who’s been there), there’s a solid chance you’ll feel a sense of loss regardless of your choice. That’s not a bad thing. Having two homes (two lives) you love so much that you miss one when you’re in the other, is a privilege.
Best of luck with your choice.