So I’d been living in Australia for 10 years before finally being able to go back and see my family. I surprised them with a 6 week visit with my wife and two kids.
Everyone seemed over the moon and it was great seeing all of my family but things were not the same at all. I get that 10 years is a long time but all I could feel was ‘my family have removed me from their life’. I started feeling this before I went to see them because I was the one initiating conversations and calling them but I believed it’d be different when I seen them in person.
When I got there a lot had changed. My brother had taken over the holiday house, my room had been completely changed and my sisters used mum as their baby sitter most of the time. My dad was also very distant. He was never quite affectionate but I feel like he didn’t make an effort to get to know my wife and children very much even though we were living at his house. Seeing my grandparents turn so very frail also broke me and I can’t seem to stop thinking about losing them and not spending more time with them. The family dynamic was no where near the same as when I was there.
I feel this void in my heart and even though I got married and had children I still long to have those good times with my parents and extended family like the good old days. Is this something other people have felt when going back home? Is there a way to stop being so sad about it?
I left home in rural WA state when I was 18 for the Navy. Later, I went to school in Japan, and started my job there. I built a house back in the US to retire eventually but in later years I found out that the situation(s) had changed over time. Thomas Wolfe wrote the book “You can’t go home again”. It was taken from the writer Ella Winter to explained to Wolfe that “you can’t go back to your family, your friends, your childhood dreams.” People change including yourself. But knowing this, you can return with an open mind…and not colored with the memories of an expat who made the decision to start a life separate from his previous one. Interestingly enough, I still love to go back to my place in WA state and though my personal relationships may have changed…the river, the forest, and the animals that inhabit them are the same, unchanged world that I left back in the day.